I know I haven't blogged much lately, but I've been so busy with my coursework! We are changing classes tomorrow, and I am sitting in the library trying to finish my work.
On Friday, I met with mentoring coach, and I feel that we had an incredible meeting. I will be working with him and my new principal to push myself to become the leader I want to be. I have some thoughts on this issue, and I wanted to share with you how I was feeling about the midpoint of my program. My final journal entry for my Introduction to School Leadership and Decision Making Class. Here are my thoughts...
Before I say anything else, I must start by expressing my unbounded thanks for giving me the opportunity to be a participant in such a wonderful program. When I first talked to Tom on the phone, I must say I was extremely nervous. The phone interview was great at the beginning of the conversation where I felt Tom really understood where I was coming from. Tom continued to push me and challenge my answers where I almost became upset with his pushing. Then I said the trigger that made Tom push me to my limits, “I believe being a leader is being a servant.” Wow, did I think I was being profound, and my answer set Tom on a whole new line of questioning. And as he was shooting questions, I became frozen in that I could not explain what I meant. I thought, “I’ve lost my chance.” But, as I composed myself, I began to answer how I felt being a servant meant to me in my heart and in my head. I will assume that I said something right because I am here today. I have learned so much in just a short period of time. Tonight I sit in the library breathing a prayer that my stay here will be long. It was only Friday, July 22nd that I thought with hesitation and fear that my stay here would be long.
I have realized that I no longer want to go home. I no longer want to leave this “holding environment” that has reinstated my love of learning and for education. I am afraid to go back and lose this passion for leadership that I am learning how to foster and nurture. I, like my colleagues, am afraid to go back and become disillusioned with the realities of education we see in our schools. But, I do realize that as a leader, I can change that. When I first became a teacher, I had this blazing attitude that I could do anything in the school I worked at. I know I proved this in the first school I worked at. When I went back to my alma mater, I went there with the same mentality… “I will change this school. I remember the glory days! I will make a difference.” And I did, for a while… then I let the negativity get to me. I let myself down. I needed rejuvenation, and I was pushed by a good friend to find it.
Now I sit here in the library, and I’m a little sore from the pushing. From the push of my family to be the person I’m supposed to be, from the push from my friends to be the person they see me to be, from the push from my instructors and group members here at Teacher’s College to be the leader I need to be. I have discovered, through the teachings of this class that the time has arrived for me to push myself. I now see that where I was scared to take initiative before, it is now my job to take a stand in what I believe and be the leader I was made to be.
We had a powerful case write-up the other day, where as a new administrator we (my group) had to make a difficult choice in deciding if a school needs saving or if we should go down with the ship. I found it hard to make a decision to fire personnel, especially an assistant principal, and I even told Tom in a meeting we had that I don’t know if that decision would be an easy one for me to make. But as I sat in class the next day, I saw the strength in my colleagues as they stood up and were adamant that to make changes in school culture sometimes you have to make a change in yourself and make the hard decision you never thought you could. This was a big realization for me! I know what I stand for, and that is that I stand for children. When it comes down to it, my decisions will be made for the betterment of the students I represent… all of them, not just a classroom full. And now, with your guidance, I think I am ready. On Friday you asked us to end the class finishing the sentence, “I am more of ______________”. When it was my turn, I said, “I am more of a leader today than I was three weeks ago.” This statement only reiterates the commitment I am making to myself for today and for tomorrow when I go back home and take these teachings and implement them into my leadership. Thank you for helping me see what others see in me. Thank you for helping me see me. May the journey continue…
I have realized that I no longer want to go home. I no longer want to leave this “holding environment” that has reinstated my love of learning and for education. I am afraid to go back and lose this passion for leadership that I am learning how to foster and nurture. I, like my colleagues, am afraid to go back and become disillusioned with the realities of education we see in our schools. But, I do realize that as a leader, I can change that. When I first became a teacher, I had this blazing attitude that I could do anything in the school I worked at. I know I proved this in the first school I worked at. When I went back to my alma mater, I went there with the same mentality… “I will change this school. I remember the glory days! I will make a difference.” And I did, for a while… then I let the negativity get to me. I let myself down. I needed rejuvenation, and I was pushed by a good friend to find it.
Now I sit here in the library, and I’m a little sore from the pushing. From the push of my family to be the person I’m supposed to be, from the push from my friends to be the person they see me to be, from the push from my instructors and group members here at Teacher’s College to be the leader I need to be. I have discovered, through the teachings of this class that the time has arrived for me to push myself. I now see that where I was scared to take initiative before, it is now my job to take a stand in what I believe and be the leader I was made to be.
We had a powerful case write-up the other day, where as a new administrator we (my group) had to make a difficult choice in deciding if a school needs saving or if we should go down with the ship. I found it hard to make a decision to fire personnel, especially an assistant principal, and I even told Tom in a meeting we had that I don’t know if that decision would be an easy one for me to make. But as I sat in class the next day, I saw the strength in my colleagues as they stood up and were adamant that to make changes in school culture sometimes you have to make a change in yourself and make the hard decision you never thought you could. This was a big realization for me! I know what I stand for, and that is that I stand for children. When it comes down to it, my decisions will be made for the betterment of the students I represent… all of them, not just a classroom full. And now, with your guidance, I think I am ready. On Friday you asked us to end the class finishing the sentence, “I am more of ______________”. When it was my turn, I said, “I am more of a leader today than I was three weeks ago.” This statement only reiterates the commitment I am making to myself for today and for tomorrow when I go back home and take these teachings and implement them into my leadership. Thank you for helping me see what others see in me. Thank you for helping me see me. May the journey continue…
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